Eden Raincrest
by misstressskylarblack
Summary: A bunch of oneshots of a girl named Eden and her adventures in Skyrim. Funny depending on your maturity level, pretty stupid jokes and just randomness. AND A LOT OF CUSSING. Hope you enjoy Just going with M rating to be on the safe side. Not sure what it might be


_**Hey guys! So this was not the new story that I was talking about in my previous story, Mysterious Daughter. This was something I thought of when I felt an urge to play Skyrim again. So this will probably be a collection of oneshots that will have the same character but with differences here and there. For instance, the ages will vary. She'll be 13 in one chapter and 20 something in another. Plus her hair and eye color will change a lot. SO yeah... Oh and there will be A LOT of cussing. **_

_**She has such a potty mouth!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Skyrim or it's characters (I wish I did). But anything or anyone you do not recognize I will happily call mine. SO NO STEALIN MY CHARACTER! **_

_**Enjoy~**_

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I let out a shudder and a groan when I felt a biting chill brush across my exposed skin. I let out a sigh and opened my eyes slowly, waiting for the blurriness to disappear before looking around aimlessly. Every plant around me was bare from any vegetation whatsoever. The snow replaced it and dusted the land with a nice white powder.

And it was fucking cold.

Then something kinda hit me. Where I lived, it wasn't usually cold. It was hot, like it was summer everyday. "Wait... It doesn't snow where I live... Oh shit where am I!" I squeaked, looking around the cart I was in. Upon taking in all three people around me, I noticed one was wearing blue and brown armor, another donning prisoners clothes and the final clothed in what would appear to be fancy clothing but looked like an oversized bird had been butchered and thrown onto the guy.

What? That's what his cloak thingy looked like! Don't judge me! Anyway, when my mind finally caught up with me, realization hit me non to kindly and I recognized where I was. And what I was in, much to my displeasure. "Finally. You're awake." A soft voice said, catching my attention and having me look toward the blonde in front of me. "You were crossing the border when you were ambushed by the Imperials. Same as us... And that thief." He said, jerking his head to the prisoner looking dude. The man snapped his teeth. "If it wasn't for you Stormcloaks, I would've been halfway to Hammerfell by now! The Empire was nice and lazy before you rejects came along." The man hissed. "We're all brothers and sisters in binds now, Thief." The blonde answered, looking back to me with a smile. "I'm Ralof, and you?" He asked. I opened my mouth to answer but the guy in the front cut in. "Hey! Quiet back there!" He snapped. My instinct came into play and I slammed my foot into the front of the cart.

"Bitch don't interrupt me," I muttered. "You shut up!" I sighed and smiled back at Ralof. "You can call me Ede. Most of my friends do." I answered. He nodded and laughed when I attempted to blow a lock of ebony hair out of my eyes. "Here," he offered, pushing it behind me ear. "Let me help you." I nodded my thanks. "Hey... What's wrong with him?" The thief asked, looking to the blonde beside me. "He saw your face," I mutter as Ralof suddenly grew pissed. "Watch your tongue! That is Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak! The true High King!" He said, glaring at the brunette. The theif's eyes grew wide as he stared at the Jarl. "Wait... If that's the leader of the rebellion then... Oh by the Divine where are they taking us!?" He exclaimed. "Somewhere that reeks of death," I whispered, smelling the air. "And piss... And mead... And a bakery... And children... And piss again... And-" "OK we get it... You're kinda killing it." The thief said. He continued to freak out while we entered Helgen and I listened as Ralof talked to him.

I zoned in and out as we neared the destination and came back into reality when the carts slowly came to a halt. "Why are we stopping?" The thief hissed, panic rising in his voice. "What do you think? End of the line." Ralof muttered, as we got up and walked out of the cart.

The Imperials slowly read names off of a paper and the thief, Lokir, made a run for it when he realized he was going to die. When he fell to the ground, I whistled lowly. "Bitches be droppin'." I muttered. "You there! Come forward." An Imperial ordered. I stepped up and realized I was the only one left standing and everyone was looking straight at me. "Who are you?" He asked. I stayed silent as the breeze picked up around us, just standing there with my eyes closed. Finally, I sighed and raised my head, opening my eyes and revealing ashy colors. "Eden Raincrest." I answered. "Captain? What should we do? She isn't on the list?" The man asked, looking to the female beside him. "Same as the rest. To the block!" She answered. "I nearly choked on air. "WHAT!?" I shrieked.

"I'M 13 DAMNIT! YOU'RE GONNA KILL A 13 YEAR OLD? WHAT THE FUCK!? OK THEN, YOU KNOW WHAT? AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR ANY OF DIS BULLSHIT! IF THE IMPERIALS KILL LITTLE CHILDREN FOR THE SAKE OF ALL FUCKS IN THE WORLD, I WILL GLADLY GO WITH THE STORMCLOAKS! SO YEAH, HAVE A GOOD DAY, FUCK YOU AND I HOPE YOU GET JUMPED BY YOUR MOTHER WITH A HALF BROKEN WHISKEY BOTTLE!" I paused and breathed heavily, throat hurting and I stood up straight. I turned on my heel and walked to the group of Stormcloaks who were looking at me with stunned looks. "OK... Uh... Give them their final rites." The captain commanded. I half listened as the priestess proceeded in a speech but was rudely cut off by a Stormcloack soldier. After a few jeers, they cut his head off and I gasped. "That man had balls." I muttered. The Captain looked at me with an evil smile and pointed to me. "Next! The Nord in the rags!" She ordered. "It's rude to point, a-hole." I answered back.

"But first, let me pray to my god. Dear Naked Jesus. I'm sorry the Empire and Imperials are such DICK ASSES. Amen." I clapped my hands and proceeded to the block. I paused right next to it. "Are we gonna clear the body or are you just gonna pile everyone up openly like we're in a commune grave? And what about the dudes head!? You really think my head is gonna fit in that basket? It's gonna fall and roll out because the basket it too fricken small for another one. I'm already angry about the fact that I'm being sentenced to death. I mean, I know border hopping is illegal and stuff but this is ridiculous!" I said, looking at the Imperials in front of me. "GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!" The Captain yelled. "Well someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes today." I muttered. "And I'm not your mom from last night." The woman flared her nostrils and drew her blade. "I SAID-" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Will do Bitchy McBitchBitch." I waved her words away and got onto my knees. Her foot shoved me from behind and I landed painfully into the haystack.

Looking up the headsman, I gave him a bored look. "Take your time, K? I'm debating whether or not the prospect of going to Hell is appealing enough." I said, watching as he raised the axe.

Right as he was about to swing, a roar exploded around us and I looked toward the mountains, watching as a black figure flew from the top and soared down to the tower in front of me, landing with a earth shattering thump while hell rained down upon us from the sky.

I sighed.

"Fuck my life."


End file.
